We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
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