I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
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