I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize