Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
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