he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
operation have a gay friend backfired
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
