Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Randomize
