i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Randomize
