new low.... made out with someone while peeing
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Terrible idea I love it
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Randomize
