i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Randomize
