So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
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