I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
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