I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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