If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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