brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize