in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
