I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
