who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
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