shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
