Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
