Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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