she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
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