Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
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