Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
