Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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