Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
