she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
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