shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I'm both gender and math confused
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize
