You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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