lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
