our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
