the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
50% drunk capacity currently
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
