Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Randomize
