i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
