69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
he shaved USA in his pubs
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
