I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
