I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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