Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
