Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Randomize