Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Randomize
