she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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