he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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