I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
