There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
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