i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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