I didn't shave. On purpose
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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