Where did you get a picture of my penis
is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
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