That's intense
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
