even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
