I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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