So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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