I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
North Korea, Best Korea!
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Randomize
