It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I think I sprained my soul last night
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
