I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
