Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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