I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
