we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Randomize
