Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
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