No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
