there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
