I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
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