You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
