i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
