I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
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