Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
